With a hint of bittersweetness, I write the first post on my newly resurrected website. Although no one blame but myself, I was still disheartened to discover that all my blog content was gone. I failed to back up my blog while it sat idly by the wayside for a few months. When I finally decided to get “back on the saddle” and create a new post some 4 months later, I was horrified to find that all my content had been permanently erased. Although my domain still remains my domain, all the posts I’d written along with it had been deleted. I can’t deny that I was more than a little heartbroken to discover everything I’d created over the past 3+ years had disappeared into cyberspace. My bucket list, my European travels, my expat rants…all gone. I’m devastated that I can’t get my words back. I’m devasted that I’ll never be able to replicate the exact way in which I felt in those moments. And although I’ll always have my memories, we all know that memories tend to morph and fade as time goes by. It’s almost as if I’ve forgotten the pure frustration and feeling of defeat as I tried to navigate my life as an expat. And although I can still remember the grievances when I dig deep enough, I no longer have the words to fully express how I felt in those moments. That is what made my posts so special to me. How can I replicate a memory or attempt to “freeze” a moment in time when I look back on them through rose-colored glasses?
As cliché as it may seem, I guess this is a new beginning. I’m no longer the starry-eyed expat hopping from one country to the next (although who’s to say that I can’t be in the future?). These days, I go to work and yearn for the days of my European adventures. And although I certainly believe there’s truth in the sentiment that we have a tendency to evoke the past in a more favorable light, I can’t help but cling to the good memories in moments of sadness. Since returning home, the past year and a half have been challenging, to say the least. There were definitely happy times — some of the greatest, in fact. On October 12, 2018, I got married to my best friend. My husband’s family visited the United States for the first time to celebrate with us and we had a perfect time. 2018 also brought me back my husband (then fiancé) after nearly a year of being apart. In between the cracks of those shining moments, however, held many personal struggles. My mental health took a huge hit and I was struggling to stay afloat. Moving back home was an adjustment. In fact, it’s still an adjustment. However, I revel in my struggle because I know that that deep down, there is always hope for a new beginning.
